We libertarians are the Jews, the capitalists, the smokers, the druggies, the criminals, the greedy rich, the populist, idiotic gun-toting poor, the home-grown, self-radicalized terrorists, and now, you see, we are the communists, too--all in one! Pick a scapegoat, and we libertarians will be happy to fill that role for you. Sacrifice us to the flames of eternal justice to forgive and forget your sins against God (the state). We are evil. We deserve persecution, prosecution and a good ass-pounding because, well, unlike people like Eric Liu and Nick Hanauer, we do not repent our transgressions against God (the state). In fact, we hate the state. We're haters, see? Our hatred blossoms in bright bursts of civil disobedience and heretical texts that dare to ask why we even need God (the state). Thus, it's not enough to brush us off with "haters gonna hate" or to "live and let live" and to leave us alone. No--we are the dark side. Haters, like Darth Vader, deserve to die.
From our perspective, of course, we libs and anarchists are more akin to the Rebel Alliance, forging a wide variation of star systems beaming with seemingly weird and wonderfully strange alien lifeforms, abundant in alternative cultural, political, religious, secular, sexual and artistic tentacles. The one struggle we share in common, despite our variety of uncouth and kooky manners, is our love--for freedom. The strange moonlight logic of this love entails that we not only cherish freedom, but demand it, total liberation, from the Empire. The Force is strong with us, bitches.
To the contrary of our beautiful attempts to mythologize the freedom movement, Liu and Hanauer argue that Ayn Rand, Ron and Rand Paul, the Koch Brothers, and Senator Ted Cruz are dangerous "extremists." Extremist, extremist, extremist. Count how many times they use the word in the "argument" (as if they knew how to write one). Indeed, the best argument they have is a pathetic yet fashionable reference to a cliche regarding libertarians and Somalia. Oh, and this:
"True citizenship enables a society to thrive for precisely the reasons that communism and radical libertarianism cannot. It is based on a realistic conception of human nature that recognizes we must cooperate to be able compete (sic) at higher levels. True citizenship means changing policy to adapt to changes in circumstance."
As if social cooperation and individual liberty were mutually exclusive ideas, the paragraph implies that if you don't want a master, then you must want to implant your hot next-door neighbor with your selfish genes whether she wants it or not. The next paragraph states that we must get with the times, that the US will necessarily "change and evolve."
Got that, children? Cue the unwitting Hegelian metaphysics...lights, camera, bullshit! We must find a happy medium, you see? Anarchism is dangerous and extremist. But, we admit, so was communism. (I wonder, how many people did Stalin and Mao murder? And how many did, I don't know, Ron Paul?) Another irking twig that jabs me in the ass while attempting to climb Eric Liu's and Nick Hanauer's tree of bullshit is this: if the Pauls and Ayn Rand are "radical extremists," then what am I? If Ted Cruz is an "extremist," then what the hell are these people:
Copblock; anarchast; Crispin Sartwell; Lew Rockwell & Co; C4SS; Autonomedia; The Anarchist Archives; Panarchy: Attack the System; Lysander Spooner; The Free Staters; Gustave de Molinari; Robert Anton Wilson; Karl Hess; Samuel Edward Konkin III; Charles Johnson (the raddest anarchist geek of us all); commie-anarchists; this somewhat useful old fuck; Kevin Carson; Gary Chartier; the national-anarchists; Jesus H. Christ; Tolstoy; Other radical extremist fans of Jesus; Including The Religious Society of Friends!; the anarchist Human Encyclopedia; My Favorite Egoist Individualist Anarchist Dude; the nihilists; Autonomous Zones; Dead Poets and Painters; Romantic Dead Poets; Anarchist Painters; Anarchist Artists; Anarchist Painters and Poets; DIY; Socrates, Diogenes and the rest of the Cynics; Chinese anarchists from 2,000 years ago; My favorite foreign writers and thinkers: Dostoyevsky, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Pascal and Camus; My favorite American writers and thinkers: Thoreau, Emerson, Melville, Hawthorne, Twain, Poe, Mencken, Nock, and Whitman; Tom Robbins; Chuck Palahniuk; Richard Braughtigan; Gregory Corso & The Beat Co; Ted Berrigan; Arthur Rimbaud; Charles Baudelaire; Charles Bukowski; More Anarchist Writers and Painters; And One More; Coleridge, Woodsworth and Blake; The Cacophony Society; Alan Moore; Philip K. Dick; R.P. McMurphy; and his friend Cool Hand Luke; The Wachowskis; American rap and revolutionary hip-hop artists; and, oh, you know, Punk Rock--now, pray tell, Mr. Liu and Mr. Hanauer, are all of these unsavory social figures above "extremists" as well?
Really, the extremist, extremist, extremist thing is aging as quickly as the Empire itself, soon to be a decrepit old bugger that howls at his own farts for amusement. According to Liu and Hanauer, we extremists are failing to "evolve," which means, of course, that we're not "progressive". (Cue the racist trump card, everybody!) Indeed, true believers of the American Empire and the state itself are progressing so far beyond us mere ignorant mortals that they'll soon be shitting their Medicare diapers, wondering why no one else remembers the good old days of when a federal reserve note was worth more than the green TP with which the hospice orderlies wipe their aging cracks.
I suppose a new mathematics is in order. According to Liu and Hanauer, if Ayn Rand is an "extremist," then I must be an extremist to, what, the 4th or 5th power? Ah, so, here's how we can settle the issue: racist and extremist simply won't do anymore as ad hominem attacks. I know--bring back the Red Scare! Libertarians are the new communists, everybody! Harry Reid says Republicans are "anarchists and fanatics" because he and Nancy Pelosi are sick of the "politics of hate" and want a "constructive dialogue" to stop the "obstructionists," and to "get things done" back in Washington. Thus, libertarians must be communists. It follows, right?
There are, however, two interesting points we can note about Liu's and Hanauer's bullshit: 1) they really are clearing the trees and laying pavement for a new Middle of the Road to fascism by suggesting that a great and glorious Third Way will be the redeemer of humanity. 2) Soft-core libertarians (or, what Kevin Carson calls "vulgar libertarians") unwittingly agree with Liu and Hanauer, thus adding another layer of bullshit on top of the heaping smelly mess that Liu and Hanauer have laid for us. (Yes, scatology is still, and always will be, appropriate when one discusses, um, assholes in politics. Oh, and speaking of assholes, take notice of the perpetual war progressives are launching on the "Talk:Third Way" wikipedia page because they refuse to admit that Hitler, Mussolini and our holy father and patron saint FDR all enacted the same public-private partnership policies through their Keynesian economic schemes.)
In my next post I will explain the reasons as to why the vulgar libertarian bullshit complements Liu and Hanauer's bullshit, thus creating a totality of bullshit: or, in laymen's terms, a new form of fascism. Until then, kiddies, good night and jerk off.
Toodles. And back to you, Bill.