Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Problem Is Your Tie, Dick-heads.

Listen here, all you libertarians digging deep holes in the middle of a desolate nowhere searching for an answer, cause I have it for you: you're ideas are fucked. It doesn't matter how logical or rational or coherent your arguments are. 

You want people to do drugs?!? You want people to own guns?!? You want people to...what? Just dance naked and fuck in the streets? 

If you can't smile to these questions with a raging wet vag or solid cock, and answer with an affirmative--Fuck Yes!--then abandon all hope, all ye who enter this battle for...strip clubs.

Cause that's all they--the herd--see in your innumerable constructions of rational infallibility: a quirky, if not trite, battle for strip clubs, and nothing else, not lofty concepts like "the equality of liberty" or "peace from the initiation of force". 

Libertarians of all different sorts like to discuss why their ideas don't spread as easily into the mainstream (i.e., mass society) as those empty sophistries of puritanical suits like Rachel Maddow or Mitt Romney (neither of whom have any authentic ideas, of course).

Here's why: 

1) The public doesn't give a shit for ideas (they want theatre, and the most vulgar kind--spectacle--provided by the likes of shitty actors who can hardly recite their own ghost-written scripts, like Mitt and Maddow). 
2) You can't force the masses to think.   
3) Consider this for a moment: Why would you want them on your side anyhow? 

Libertarians, in my experience, are natural philosophers. That is, they like to stroke their own mental cocks or squeeze their sweet tits of intellect with warm self-serving hands while ignoring what's really turning other people on...which isn't philosophy. (And, as a life-long libertarian and sexual degenerate, trust me, I should know.) 

I'm amazed when libertarians say they don't have any cultural or artistic influences to which they can hum along in their eternal battle to freely spread venereal diseases (besides Ayn Rand,  L. Neil Smith, or what-have-you). Haven't you fuckers ever seen just one Punk Rock show? Don't think. Don't analyze the lyrics. Close your eyes. Search your feelings. Use the Force, faggots. (And screw you if you're offended by that word. If you're not and you're gay, I'll suck your cock. Not really. But you get it.) Maybe NOFX or Rise Against or Bad Religion (just within the Punk genre of Rock and Roll, which is itself, in my opinion, a libertarian expression of cultural liberation) fail to fully satiate your dogmatic desire for a standardized libertarian world-view. But who gives a shit? 

Own them. Take them. Make them yours. There is no priesthood telling you that you can't. Act like libertarians and grow a pair, for Christ's sake. Let the critics at Rolling Stone Magazine shriek at us "but that's cultural rape!" Just flip their bullshit right back in their face by asking how many millions their corporation has profited at the exploitive expense of myriad musical artists. Their reply: "But we're helping them by giving them exposure!" Well, so are we. 

Only I see and hear authentic cries of angst against the powers-that-be between libertarian ideas and various cultural movements, like Punk, all the time, such as iconoclasm: Smash the State; Kill Your Idols; Anarchy in the UK; etc. And I hope more libertarians catch the fuck on. (The corporate Rolling Stone magazine, on the other hand, desires anything but DIY digital publishing, which will, in time, put them out of business. Praise Jesus.)       


But first you libertarians, including those many friends I've met and know personally, need to get out there and shoot your seed into the scene. As Randle P. McMurphy said, "You ought to be out in a convertible bird-doggin' chicks and bangin' beaver, man!" Love freedom? Cut your fucking tie off. Lift your skirts up, lady-libs, and live a little. Or don't, so long as it's what you want to do (though you'll probably be happier living like an animal--which is what you really are, after all.)

For our own good, of course, Keynes wanted to tame our inner animal spirits with the institutionalization of the bureaucratic,  regulatory mega-state of unlimited power (what Hobbes correctly christened The Leviathan). According to wikipedia, Keynes stole the expression from Hume's spiritus animales, which means, "spontaneous motivation." 

I wish I could say Keynes were right. It seems most libertarians (or how about Americans in general?) lack that spark of spontaneity to which Keynes referred that all free spirits exude with wild-eyed tenacity. And you're not ever going to as long as you're still applying for internships at the Cato Institute. In other words, you're never going to move people--especially the right people--with three-hour cognitive discourses on the praxeology of Austrian economics (aside from a very few young, devoted and intelligent Ron Paul fans). 

And you're especially not going to move people by acting like a smarty-pants. But, again, do you really want these people on your side in the first place? Allen Ginsberg didn't care about the intricate logical deductions within the arguments given in his defense when Howl and Lawrence Ferlinghetti were on trial for indecency charges. They just wanted to write and publish some poetry. And GG Allen didn't give a shit about the opinions of a jury who ruled that his rancorous, violent stage antics failed to adhere to the jury's all-American standards of performance art. He probably just wanted to throw his poop at them (even if they had ruled in his favor). 

If you want to win-over the right people--true free spirits--then you got to let go of winning over every weak, petrified American with your oh-so-rational arguments. Stop thinking libertarianism and start living like a libertarian--be an animal. If you're a girl, take a friend and dress like professional businesswomen downtown, set your briefcases down for a moment on the corner, take your tops off, and continue your executive stroll with nonchalance--see what happens. Got balls (literally)? Then toss a wedding gown on the next time you need to pick up some milk and eggs for the fam. Here's a topical idea: attend an anti-gun rally, dress in your queerest black leather fetish attire, and pass out several hundred rounds of cheap ammo with some NRA stickers. That oughta confuse 'em! Shed a couple pounds of dignity. Most libertarians act like they need to lose some. 

If you want to subvert the state, the quickest, easiest and merriest why to do so is by subverting our bromidic, lame-ass, Disneyland, smoke-free, one-bar-fits-all, horse-shit kindergarten culture. You'll shock and offend all the people who deserve (and desperately need) to be shocked and offended. (Trust me, you are providing a public service to these people.) And I guarantee you there will be others who will get the joke. These people will actually be moved by your courage (though they might not care about economics). And that's how you turn other people on, baby. Be creative. Be free. Be offensive. Be crude if need be. And live libertarianism. 

Check out these fuckers below for more ideas. (Side note: this group happened to inspire Chuck Pahalniuk to write Fight Club, one of the most libertarian books and films floating around in contemporary culture.) 

You can't take down the mega-state, but you can create little pockets of anarchy through art and TAZ's within the Empire. Shock, obscenity, smut and poor taste are our allies. Make art--raw art!--your life rather than the airy realm of rationally coherent ideas. And make that art nude, lude and subversive, for fuck's sake!
Peace. 
        

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