Friday, September 14, 2012

Own Property? Welcome to Slavery.

I've seen several of these billboards posted along the interstate and down some of the main commercial streets in my homie's neighborhood in the Southwest. I visited him recently for his 21st birthday. He's an illegal alien, which is how we became friends.

(When we met at an underground strip club several years back, I admitted to him that I, too, shared something of an alien disposition among the mundane day-walkers of conventional society, with a legal status dependent upon no one's judgment but my own. He liked that. And I liked the several hundred dollars worth of blow he shared with me that night on the bodacious chest of a professional freak skilled in the shake-your-ass arts, whose name was Candy Skillz--if memory serves correctly--and whose talents far exceeded my expectations of a 19-year-old brunet who proved herself to be no amateur top-dropper but a full-on professional squeeze for a probable hoard of southwestern studs whose boots she's rattled and pants quivered since, I'm guessing, she was 12. That guess could be off as well, but she showed my new friend and I a smashing good time of clean sober fun in any case.)

Anyhow, when I visited my home-boy recently, as we drank beer in his back yard, I mentioned the sign I saw posted above and said, "I think it's lovely that even our local masters feel the need to bombard us with propaganda to intimidate us as we drive around to and from our shitty jobs everyday. How about you?"

"Si," he said, taking a sip of his cold Mexican beer. You see, my homie doesn't own property. So he's not that concerned and doesn't like to get worked up about these things. I don't own property either, but I still can't help but wanna scratch an irksome itch on my ass stimulated by signs like this one. Were I to buy some property in the US, I would probably wouldn't "own" it for long because--

Actually, no one really "owns" any property in the US. Property owners, as the sign reminds us, pay rent to their state overlords. The dark overlords send green trolls out to each and every "owner" who dictates to that "owner" what his or her property is worth, a number completely devoid of any real or substantial market evaluation (or fluctuation) based on supply and demand (that is, a realistic value determined by regular people who might buy that property some day). These trolls are called county assessors.

So if the troll says your property is worth $600,000, and you have a tax rate of 10%, your property will be assessed at $60,000 and you'll pay 10% ($6,000) of that to the overlords. Just like an any feudal system, our overlords have an incentive to overprice the value of the property. As I was saying above, were I a property "owner," I don't think I would "own" it for very long because, if the troll told me my house were worth $600,000--and no one else on earth wanted to buy it for that price--I would tell the cock-sucking troll, "Well, then, cock-sucking troll. Buy it from me! Let's make a deal!"

And it's not like you pay this tax once upon buying a new home. You pay year after year. Which is why no American really "owns" his or her property. Americans simply rent it from their feudal masters. The overloads, trolls and their willing subjects usually try to make you feel like a selfish slave if you feel resentful for having to pay annual rent on "your" property. You see, we should be happy and grateful serfs! Slithered between the crusty lips baring their brown and yellow teeth, the trolls will screech, "Do you only care for yourself!? Have you no compassion? Think of the children! And the police and the roads! Can't you afford if for the sake of education? It's for the children!  The childreeeeeeeeeeennnnnn!"

And my reply would be this:

1) Fuck the children. If education's the goal here, then let the little twats escape from their shitty government-controlled schools. They'll learn a dick-load more about life and the world around them by learning how to think for themselves rather than spending 12 dreary years in those stink-fist cages planted on oh-so hallowed ground. Screw me silly, but intellectual boredom plus social conditioning meant to conform, domesticate, tame and beat every unique youngster into a mindless, robotic member of the herd does not fucking equal an authentic "education". And that's not higher math, you ugly troll-whores.

2) The police can suck my sweaty balls. If they're "public servants," then they don't need to be served so much monetary fat from the rest of us in the form of extraordinary benefits, early retirements and pensions. Let them work for a real paycheck like the rest of us. Or let them eat doughnuts.

3) The roads suck too. My neighbors and I can build our own roads, much better roads! And for a hell-of-alot cheaper than six grand a year.

However, if you're of a more civilized tongue than I, and you politely suggest to the troll that, you simply cannot afford the rent this year. Or that you think the assessment of the home is unreasonably high. Or that, out of principle, you do not feel you should be forced to pay this tax. Here would be the troll's reply:

"Fuck you. Give us your money. Or go to jail."

And go to jail you would, after they confiscate (that is, repossess) "your" property--which, to be fair to our overlords, was never yours in the fist place. Can you build your home as you wish (beyond or below the standards of the overlords' myriad municipal "codes"), paint it as you wish, grow or smoke or plant whatever you wish, wherever you wish on the property? If not, if someone else is making those decisions for you, then it ain't yours to begin with. In fact, our property "policy" in the US neatly exemplifies Plank Numero Uno of the Communist Manifesto: 1. Abolition of private property and the application of all rents of land to public purposes. 

The history of humanity shows us that our rulers always attempt to stroke us off with a velvet glove with appeals to our conscience by shaming and guilting us into accepting our slavery. For those of us who don't buy it, who don't feel shame or guilt for wanting to live our lives freely, spontaneously and creatively, the glove is removed to reveal the true motivator: the iron fist of the law, shaken in our faces before it strikes a blow meant to shed tears and blood.

Which is why maybe these signs are a good thing. Maybe the overlords have admitted to themselves that there's so much discontent in this country, that they don't need to bother with propaganda anymore which appeals to our empathy, like a billboard that reads the following in crayon lettering: "A message from the children: Remember your property taxes help us create a better future. Please pay them. Pretty please?" next to several photographed faces of the cute little tots.

Instead we have this: Why bother with the shenanigans? Let's get to the point: "Own Property? You owe taxes!" Such naked declarations of compulsion with the intent to intimidate property "owners" means one thing, literally: Read the writing on the fucking wall, slaves. You are our bitches.

My friend demonstrated to me why such a billboard could actually be a good omen. Before making my way out of town, I asked mi amigo one more time what he thought of the billboards.  He didn't say anything at first. He's an average guy who likes to have fun. Not really political. I was about to drop it and suggest we head to the underground strip club on my way out. Then I said, "Can't we just, somehow, strike back at these mother lovers?"

There was a moment of silence.

And then,"Si," he said. "Si, se puede."

In light of the fact that such a slogan reminded me of another political campaign run by the overlord of all overlords, I began to laugh. Then I realized, if the overlords feel that it's time to reveal their true nature to the public, then maybe more of the public will drop their illusions of freedom and strike back. With any means necessary.

I said cheers! to that thought as we slammed the rest of our beers and made our way back to Candy Skillz and the underground strip joint for one last shit-faced hurrah! before taking my leave. When Candy asked us if we could please loosen up, if we could chill out and get ready for another wild and crazy night, we could only reply with my Mexican friend's own words:

Si, se puede!  Si, se puede!  Si, se puede!


  1. The Sí Se Puede poster above is that of Rosita Adelita by Robert Valadez of the Pilsen Community in Chicago. His website is Please, credit his website. Thanks.

  2. Thank you, Christine. And thank your Mr. Robert Valadez! I checked out the rest of his work. Some very beautiful works!