Yeah. That's about right. Why on earth would anyone want to live in Chicago or NYC? As a smoker and gun-toting anarchist, I would probably greatly offend the sensitive masses of these once free-wheeling towns, before being arrested, and my life would be over sooner than I would prefer. In NYC the police can stop and frisk you, for no reason at all, just because they feel like it. Street surveillance cameras plague these cities worse than AIDS did in the '80s. (And state surveillance is a much more dangerous and contagious disease!) Chicago just beats NYC in this race to its own spiritual death as it apparently needs enough speed cameras to surveil half of the entire god-blessed city.
Both of these impoverished landmarks of American totalitarianism are ruled by wannabe mini-Musolinis: Big Brother Bloomberg and Ratface Rahm Emanuel. Unfortunately, I don't think the people of Chicago or NYC have the balls the Italianos did several generations ago when they defeated Il Duce (and, subsequently, executed him, before hanging him upside down on meathooks in public, so any passersby could throw stones and spit at the decaying corpse of the former Dear Leader). What luck would these American slaves have, had they the heart of the Italian people in the early 1940s?
Gun-control advocates have been salivating with glee this summer over the murderous tragedies in Colorado, Wisconsin and (most recently) NYC. "Never let a good crisis go to waste," said Mayor Ratface himself when he worked in D.C. a couple years ago. And Bloomberg, whose hypocrisy knows no limits, has recently suggested that police across America should "go on strike." That would be nice. I hope the bastards go on strike forever. But he wants them to strike, it seems to me, for the wrong reason: till more cities, states or the feds pass more oppressive, unjust laws that strip us of our natural human right to arm ourselves against pigs like him and his "private army" (aka: NYPD).
Aside from their total lack of compassion for human dignity and inherently violent tendencies, here's one more reason for the NYPD to go on strike forever: we've now learned last week that ALL NINE SHOOTING VICTIMS at the Empire State Building were wounded by Bloomberg's bullets. That's right. Here's some advice, coppers: learn how to fucking aim! It's not as if you were shooting 1973 snub-nosed revolvers with uncontrollable recoil, like you see in the movies. You were using shotguns-- with slugs--for Christ's sake!
If there's any reason to enact more gun control, you are it, NYPD. The same goes for Chicago PD. Disarm, now! All of you: (Cops only). That's a law I think the decent people of NYC and Chicago could support: immediate disarmament of all "officers" of the law (i.e. thugs with badges). And here's another point to consider: were Bloomberg and his goons-in-blue private citizens, they would positively, absolutely face a slew of criminal charges related to public misconduct, negligence and various counts of assault with deadly weapons. More than likely, however, with their faces stuffed with creamy tax funds and bellies filled by sweet milky benefits--the rewards of the public teat from which they shamelessly suck--they will be awarded medals.
Which reminds me of a personal anecdote from June. Earlier this summer I made the mistake of coming out of the closet in the car ride on the way to dinner with my midwest cousins and their parents. I love them all dearly, as I'm sure they love me. It's just, they wouldn't mind throwing me in jail for my lifestyle. But I just had to come out. I couldn't hold it in anymore: "Family," I said, "I confess. I'm a gun-toter. And I'm proud to be one."
"Well, do you, uh, have one in your house locked away safely" they asked trying to shade their discomfort.
"I keep my 12-gauge in the house, yes, in a case, prepared to fire. But I carry my semi-automatic handgun on my person. Concealed. Everyday."
There was an initial GASP! followed by immediate silence as we tugged along on the rode to the restaurant, before I carried on to break the noiseless tension: "I also think that gun-control laws are inherently sexist and racist. Blacks and Mexicans who live in poor communities need firearms more than I do. And all women should carry at least one handgun just to be safe. Guns aren't called 'the great equalizer' for no reason, you know."
Then one of my cousins, a female yoga instructor and longtime resident of Chicago, said, "Have you ever been held up before, Dale?"
I took the bait. "No. But I've had friends who have been. They were women."
"Oh, well. I have."
"Yes. It was scary. I was terrified. But you know what I did the next morning?"
"I entered a Chicago marathon in the morning and started training for the rest of my life. Because that night I ran like crazy I ran so fast."
"Good for you," I said. And that was pretty much the end of it. Her point, I suppose, was that running is better protection than carrying. I could have said more, but chose not to. I could have made a bad joke about running faster than bullets. I could have said, "Wait! Wait! I thought they had all sorts of good strong laws in Chicago banning guns?" Or I could have asked her if any of the drug prohibition laws stopped her from smoking weed since she was a teenager. But I knew it (probably) didn't matter. She probably believes more laws, more crimes, more police and more jails are the answer. Just the same as Christian fundamentalists feel about gays (or any other sexual deviancy they abhor) and drug warriors feel about narcotics. Little does she realize though, that we are in a crisis situation.
And if I may refer to that paramount achievement of excellence in American film history, that miraculous wonder of cinematic art, I shall recite Julius Bendict's First Three Rules of a Crisis Situation (played by the great theater artist, actor and Governor of Kali-forn-ia, Arnold Schwarzenegger):
Rule #1: Negotiate first, attack last. (Know your enemy.)
Rule #2: If you choose to bluff, be prepared to have your bluff called. (Don't fuck around.)
Rule #3: Duck. (Or run for cover. Whatever. Fuck off.)
We know our enemies. We are not fucking around. But unfortunately, we'll probably have to run for cover and fuck off.
The nation-state, the polis and the myriad forms of social, governmental and psychological tyranny that surround us will not stop their march till they devour every last one of us. The real crisis is represented in places like Chi-town and NYC (or your local police department). The battle that free spirits face is most likely a losing one (it always has been). Which makes it all that much more fun and noble! We probably can't win. But we can always have a blast fighting. So break some laws! Buy a gun. Carry it around. Smoke some dope. Make some money. Paint something subversive. Sell it on the street without a permit. Make more money. "Cheat" on your taxes. Get drunk in public. And then dance naked on the sidewalk. 'Cause this is the defining crisis of our lives and will be till we die. So live your life, mother fuckers! Don't let this crisis go to waste.